


Anonymous Message

by LostLegend



Category: IT - Stephen King, it 2019 - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Pining, eddie runs an anonymous blog, mutual pining perhaps?, richie writes into said blog, switch of perspectives hehe, theyre like college aged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-01-25 11:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21355258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostLegend/pseuds/LostLegend
Summary: eddie runs an anonymous blog about being in the closet and in love with your best friend, richie finds it and writes in for advice.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	1. loverboy meet closetcase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> richies POV

I stared at my laptop screen, my eyes flicking up over it to my closed bedroom door for a second before darting right back to what I was doing, my fingers hovering over the keyboard anxiously. See, here’s the thing: I’m gay, no one knows I’m gay, and to top the whole fucking thing off like some sort of sick ice cream sundae of screw me I happen to be in love with my best friend. But I’m not alone. I’d been reading this blog for months, an anonymous one run by someone in a situation so similar to mine I couldn’t help but binge read the whole thing one night and then religiously keep tabs on it afterwards. I’d stumbled across it by random chance, or maybe it was fate, someone finally looking out for god’s mistake, but however it had happened I’d found it and now I was trying to work up the courage to finally write in. Anonymously, of course. I let out a breath through my nose. Come ON Tozier. I could do this, after all how much had it helped me to know I wasn’t alone? I’d wanted to give the author that same comfort since both of us seemed to be suffering the same horrible fate. I pushed my glasses up on my nose, staring at the little anonymous box for a moment longer before starting my message.

_ Hey!  _

Nope. Too cheerful. Delete.

_ hi im going through the same thing as you and _

And what? Damn it, I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to say.. Fuck it, keep it short.

_ and i just wanted to let you know reading your blog has helped. a lot. so thanks. _

I stared at it for a long second before double checking that it was actually anonymous and hitting the send button, letting out a little sigh. Okay, I’d be refreshing that obsessively for the next 24 to 48 hours. I flopped backwards onto my bed, my laptop sliding a little but not falling off of me as I stared at my ceiling. Fuck, hopefully the author would see it. I didn’t really know anything about the guy other than the fact that he went by l0verb0y on the online blogging site I used, seemed to be around my age, was also secretly head over heels for his best friend and possibly deeper in the closet than even I was. I felt a sort of kinship with him for, well, obvious reasons, and wanted him to know that his misery at least had company. I shifted onto my stomach, pulling my laptop around so it was in front of my face and hit the home button on his blog, huffing when I saw one new post but no reply to my message. Yet. That could change. He seemed to be in the same time zone as me, or at least was apparently online at the same time. I hummed and looked over the post huffing a breath through my nose.

“Fuckin been there, man…” I muttered half to myself, obviously he couldn’t hear me, before I hit refresh again and my eyebrows shot up. Sure enough there was my message, posted up on the blog with a short reply,

_ Private message me. _

I sucked in a little breath. Okay. So this was happening. I had to set up a new blog because if I had one already - and I wouldn’t admit it even if I did - I wasn’t going to use it for this, this was something that was… Well.. Something I wanted to handle a little more delicately than I did most of the rest of my life. It only took a few minutes to set up, and I chose the username ClosetCase420 before clicking back to l0verb0y’s blog and hitting the private message option. If I thought I’d been fucking nervous sending an anonymous message before I was more than nervous now, but hey, what the fuck was different about this? It was still anonymous right? This was fine. 

_ hi im the anonymous dude _

I hit send and wiggled farther onto my bed as I saw the three dots indicating that he was typing before a message came through on the screen.

_ That was fast, what are u, stalking me? _

I blinked. Fuck, he thought I was creepy, and god damn it I probably was, sitting here refreshing like that.. Before I could respond another message came through.

_ Jk _

And then,

_ U really going through this shit too? _

I huffed a breath, fingers hovering on my keys for a moment before I responded. 

_ yea it feels fuckin bad. nice to know im not suffering solo tho _

I watched as the dots appeared on the screen again. 

_ Glad I can be useful.  _

He was typing again and I waited to respond. 

_ So what’s he like? _

Oh. I hadn’t expected that. I swallowed, thinking for a moment about Eddie. Where to even start? He was energetic and firey and always down to tag along with me even if what I was doing was completely fucking stupid and he’d have no problem letting me know if it was, he was caring and kind and always there when our friends needed him, he was always on my side and always butting heads with me at the same time and he was utterly fucking perfect even if he always seemed to fail to see it. Even if his mother told him he wasn’t. I sighed. 

_ too good for my dumb ass _

I hit send and paused before I typed out a second message.

_ and probably too straight _

I watched the dots again.

_ Probably? _

The truth was I didn’t know, I mean I definitely hoped people would assume I was straight for safety reasons but I didn’t want to assume anything about Eddie in either direction, even if my mind got ahead of me without my consent. 

_ havent asked. my towns homophobic as shit we dont talk about it  _

There were the telltale dots before his response took their place again.

_ I get that. Same here, plus I might get disowned if I came out. _

I bit my lip. I was worried about similar things, I mean I knew my parents loved me, but I also knew they loved a me they thought was heterosexual, and I was very much not. 

_ whats urs like? the guy I mean  _

I changed the subject, not wanting to stress the dude out about shit he was probably already constantly stressed about, I mean I knew I was. I could see him typing again. 

_ He’s kind of an ass sometimes but I can tell he’s faking it so people dont see he cares about them _

Ha. That was something I definitely had experience in, but not from the end that he was on. 

_ lol, i feel that.. thats like half my fuckin personality _

I paused for a second.

_ talking to someone about stuff like this is weirdly nice you dont know me but  _

I hit send a little soon and stopped as he started typing again.

_ You’re the only person who’s ever messaged me, I kinda thought I was just blogging into the void tbh _

Oh. Well that was kinda cool. 

_ thats cool cause ur the only person ive told any of this to _

Dot dot dot

_ Same here besides the internet I guess _

Dot dot dot

_ So thanks for messaging me, I gotta go to bed  _

I tried not to feel disappointment upon reading the message, we hadn’t really been talking too long, but before I could respond he was typing again. 

_ Would you want to talk tomorrow? We don’t have to just if you’d want  _

The message flashed on my screen and I smiled a little. 

_ ye, ill download the app on my phone, sweet dreams lover boy  _

I hit send and hoped the last message wasn’t too much before he replied. 

_ Cool, Night closet case :P _

I laughed. He kind of texted like Eddie did, and it was endearing in an intriguing way. Maybe I could actually make a new friend who I could actually talk to about the things I so carefully kept secret from everyone else in my life. I rolled and sat up, closing my laptop. I’d talk to him tomorrow. The thought had me smiling as I got ready for bed. I wasn’t alone. 


	2. sweet dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie's POV -- he gets an anonymous message and tries to deal with his feelings (this one is REALLY short)

I switched tabs from the essay I’d been working on, deciding it was time to take a break to do some blogging. I deserved one, I’d been working on this fucking research paper for almost two hours and I was starting to find it hard to focus on what I was doing and not on… Ugh.. How fucking in love I was with my best friend. I felt sick for my feelings most of the time, he didn’t know. He couldn’t know. He’d definitely fucking laugh in my face. No, that was stupid, Richie might be an asshole half of the time but he probably wouldn’t outright laugh in my face, he’d probably just be grossed out and.. I groaned as my brain concocted images of pitied stares and Richie giving me a wide berth. Fuck. I typed out a quick post venting about my feelings and sent it out into the void, blinking when I noticed something. My inbox had a message. Huh, that never happened. Like literally never, I had not received one single message since starting my blog and since the site I used didn’t track viewers I didn’t think anyone was really even seeing what I was posting. My eyebrows pinched as I clicked the message tab and read over it, growing more surprised when I realized it wasn’t spam.

_ hi im going through the same thing as you and i just wanted to let you know reading your blog has helped. a lot. so thanks. _

What?? So not only did someone actually read all the pity party posts I’d made as a coping mechanism but they’d actually found comfort in them? I needed to talk to this person, or at least try. I published the message with a response telling the sender to private message me and sat back a little in the chair I was in, letting out a heavy sigh and checking my phone. After a moment I heard a notification from my computer and saw the messaging function of my blog was active. It was the anonymous sender. That was fast. I made sure to add a teasing remark about that as I messaged him. It felt weird, but nice. I hadn’t talked to anyone aside from publicly posting about my feelings so messaging someone directly about them felt.. Foreign and scary but also like a huge relief, like I wasn’t alone for once. Like I wasn’t shouting my loneliness into the void but was instead shouting it to someone else who knew exactly how I felt. I sighed, only messaging him for around 10 minutes before deciding I needed some rest. He texted like Richie and it was a little bit too much for me to handle. I sighed, messaging him that I needed to go to bed and rolling my eyes with a little smile at his response, calling my by my handle lover boy. Maybe I could actually be friends with this guy, we seemed to at least have our feelings in common, and that was something I didn’t have in common with anyone else I knew. I stood, making my way over to my bed and checking my phone again as it buzzed in my pocket. I smiled at a stupid meme from Richie before I sighed. He always seemed to text me when I was thinking about him, but to be fair I was thinking about him a lot, whether directly or indirectly. I typed out a quick text back.

_ That’s so fucking dumb dude, anyway I’m going to bed I’ll see you tomorrow don’t wake me up _

It only took a few seconds for him to respond.

_ dont pretend you dont love my dumb memes spaghetti man  _

And then

_ Sweet dreams  _

He added the kiss emoji to that one and I groaned. He really didn’t have to do shit like that, it was like he was playing with me on purpose. Obviously, I knew he wasn’t, it was just how he was. Always the comedian, always fucking with someone, usually me. It wasn’t his fault it made me feel like I was dying when he joke flirted with me, that nonsense was a hundred percent on my closeted ass. Still, this crush I’d been harboring since we were kids was only getting worse the older we got and the jokes, nicknames, and lovey dovey emojis in texts didn’t help. At least I had a new friend to vent to, and I definitely would be venting to him tomorrow either before or after hanging out with Richie, or both. Oh boy. Talking about this could be dangerous, but I was going to ignore that for the sake of coping as hard as I could. It was about time I had a fucking outlet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im setting up exposition so after these two chapters im gonna try and not repeat events too much as it gets uninteresting to read -- they will continue switching POV tho (future chapters will be much longer i just wanted to seperate their povs by chapter and so this ones shorter than eddie lol)


	3. call me Trashmouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh. (richies pov)

My attention shifted away from the homework I had been trying to focus on for the last hour as I heard the telltale little bloop from my computer indicating a new message. I had only been talking with the online blogger known as l0verb0y for around a week but we’d already been messaging nearly every night. It was nice to have someone to talk to who knew how I felt, and if I was honest sometimes when I was alone with my thoughts I’d pretend he was Eddie, they typed similarly enough anyway. I sighed, shaking myself out of those thoughts before going to check the notification. 

_ Hey, are you busy?  _

I looked back to the empty page I’d been staring at before pushing it aside, pulling my laptop into my lap and typing out a response. 

_ nah, was doin hw but fuck that tbh  _

I only had to wait a few moments before the telltale dots appeared and my computer blooped again. 

_ You should probably do that.. _

_ … _

_ But if you’re not going to, would you wanna talk?  _

I smiled a little at that, shifting where I was on my bed. I liked talking to this guy, and hearing him vent about his own best friend made me feel a little less fucked about my own situation, so I was always down to entertain the conversation. 

_ sure, wyd? _

I waited for a moment before my computer blooped again.

_ Nothing, just sitting, trying not to think about how deep I am in… Well you know.  _

I did. That was sort of the point of this entire friendship, or at least it had been. I was getting attached to this guy as a person now as well as a mutual venting device. 

_ boy do I _

I typed out, hitting send and continuing to type even as I saw him begin to type again. 

_ any new insanities to report mr. lover? _

He seemed to delete his last message at that as the dots disappeared for a moment before appearing again. 

_ Same shit, different day. Don’t call me mr. lover lol.  _

I raised an eyebrow at that response. Goddamn, this dude really did type almost exactly like Eddie, down to the dislike of nicknames and everything. Still, it wasn’t like I was going to project my very real feelings for my best friend onto an internet stranger just because of a similarity in typing, that was stupid. 

_ sorry, sorry. dunno what else to call u haha.  _

_ … _

_ We don’t DO names. Remember? For safety? _

I sighed out a breath, nodding although I was aware he couldn’t see me through the screen. 

_ yea ik… but like were friends n shit now so maybe we should make like  _

I hit send too early and my thought was finished for me.

_ Like aliases or something? _

I nodded again at the response

_ yea exactly _

_ … _

_ Okay then, so what should I call you? _

I blinked, humming to myself in thought for a moment. Well… There was one nickname I got called constantly, and only people who were also in Derry would know it was me, so that was probably safe right? 

_ call me Trashmouth ig…. _

I watched his dots disappear again, and for a long moment waited for them to reappear but they didn’t. Huh. Weird. 

_ hello?  _

I waited another minute. Still nothing. Oh well, sometimes that happened. He’d told me before that he had a really strict mom that would sometimes take his phone or computer, so maybe he’d just had his priveledges revoked or something… 

_ hope ur ok, talk tomorrow if u can? night…. _

After five more minutes of radio silence I sent my last message, sighing as I pushed my laptop off to the side again in favor of once again staring at the blank pages of my homework. Fuck. I had to finish this by tomorrow and it was already late, looked like I’d be pulling an all nighter. 


	4. is it you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are getting real (eddie pov)

_ call me Trashmouth ig…. _

The message seemed to stop my heart where it stood. It had to be a coincidence right? There was no way that this guy.. Well that this guy was Richie. Right? That was crazy. Impossible. Fucking ridiculous. On one hand, there was no way Richie was gay. Let alone gay and in love with his best friend, I mean, _ I _ am his fucking best friend. That would mean he was in love with me, and that was impossible. But on another hand? How could there be a coincidence this big?? They DID type in a strikingly similar way… And do that stupid flirty nickname thing that.. Well that Richie only did to me… And then the message... My mind was reeling. I almost didn’t hear the notifications indicating that he was still messaging me as I closed my laptop, needing a moment to think about this. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered with me that ending the conversation mid sentence was probably not the nicest thing to do to someone who was trying to be friends, but I couldn’t think about that now. I couldn’t stop thinking about that message. 

_ call me Trashmouth ig…. _

What if it WAS Richie?? What if Richie had had feelings for me this entire time, and I was just too oblivious to notice? What if I was just making things worse for myself by sitting on my feelings? What if I’d been making him feel the same way I felt this entire time? What if it could all work out if we just talked about it? Those thoughts were too much for me to entertain and I picked up a pillow off of my bed, pressing my face into it and letting out a sound that was half scream half groan. 

I should just message him, right? I should just message him and ask and not be a complete idiot screaming into his pillow over something that could easily be resolved. I should. But I probably wouldn’t. I flopped back against my bed. 

“Fuck….” I threw one arm over my eyes. This was too much. I’d opened up the chat expecting to vent a little about my hopeless crush on my best friend and leave the situation feeling BETTER, not end up with my mind reeling confronted by ten thousand other conflicting thoughts and no one to vent to about it. I couldn’t even post a vague to my blog because the dude FOLLOWED ME. Fuck. This was going to end in emotional disaster one way or another. That was for sure. I rolled onto my side, trying desperately to get my brain to even try to think of something else but to no avail. Damn it. I was going to have to deal with this if I wanted to feel better, wasn’t I? 

I sat up again, grabbing my laptop from where it sat closed and opening it again. I looked over the new messages and sighed. He seemed concerned that I’d left him on read. Of course he was, I didn’t usually do things like that without having my things confiscated and we’d been messaging for long enough for him to know that. I took a breath, fingers hovering over the keys. Okay, Kaspbrak, you can do this. I mean, even if it WAS Richie, which it probably wasn’t, he wouldn’t know he was talking to me, so what was I so scared of? I was still anonymous, and so was he. He just HAPPENED to share a sort of unique nickname with someone who I happened to be in love with. That’s all, nothing more. I typed something short, then deleted it, blinking when I saw the three dots indicating that he was typing again before I’d even sent anything. My computer pinged a notification. 

_ o ur typing are u back? _

_ … _

_ sorry was that weird to notice i promise im not stalkin u lol _

I paused, thinking for a moment. If it was Richie, then I should say something right? After all that would mean we shared each others feelings right? That I wasn’t crazy for feeling like this? I had the potential to make us both feel better, but that would require being brave. But it would only be brave if it WAS him… There was still a chance it wasn’t. In which case I would have nothing to lose by…. I typed out a response, chewing my lip hard enough to taste iron before I hit send, holding my breath. 

_ Richie? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik this is short, most of the chapters in this fic are gonna be really short bc i hate writing the online messaging format and each chapter is a switched POV so yea


	5. i know your secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (richie pov)

Oh. Fuck. OH. FUCK. Okay. Apparently this fucking guy was someone who actually knew me, which had me staring open mouthed and blank faced at the message on my screen, my brain doing a full on medical flatline. If there had been a doctor on the spot they would have declared me legally brain dead and called my parents upstairs to my room to pull the fucking plug. I could not think. This was my worst nightmare turned real. Not only did I have no fucking idea who this person was, I’d revealed so many of my secrets to him that if it were, god forbid, some motherfucker like Henry Bowers I’d be best off just ending it all right the fuck now and saving myself some humiliation. 

I blinked at the screen where the message had begun to blur and took a deep but shaky breath, trying to keep my composure before I completely freaked the hell out. This was fine, I hadn’t confirmed anything right? I could just deny it, I could just deny being me and whoever it was could forget everything I ever told them, I could just not answer him, I could just -- wait, this was fucking stupid. _ I _ had messaged  _ him,  _ if he did know me maybe I really wasn’t alone in Derry… I took a few moments to consider this before taking another deep breath and typing my response. 

_ who are you _

I chewed my lip for a second before sending another quick message.

_ not confirming this IS richie but if it is dont hate crime me  _

Wow, nice, Tozier, not a funny joke. Still I wasn’t REALLY joking. I had no idea who this guy was and I had stupidly revealed my identity to him with a nickname that was APPARENTLY not obscure enough. He totally could hate crime me if he wanted to. I tried not to dwell on that thought for too long and was thankfully distracted after a moment by the telltale dots indicating the other guy, l0verb0y, was typing. Before too long my computer blooped with a new message. 

_ Dude what I’M fucking gay too I’m not going to hate crime you _

I let out a small breath at that but before I could respond he’d sent another message.

_ But is it okay if I like…. Don’t tell u who I am yet?  _

_ … _

_ I’m not out _

_ … _

_ And u know me _

I blinked at the messages, pursing my lips. That was fair, I got it, I really did, and on one hand I didn’t want to force whoever this was to out himself to me. We’d been talking long enough that I’d gotten to like the guy and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but on the other hand I’d accidentally outed myself to him. He was someone I knew apparently and I wasn’t sure I’d feel safe leaving my house for the next however the fuck long with the knowledge that some mystery human in Derry knew I was gay. I mean fuck, it wasn’t like I lived in like California or some place where I wouldn’t potentially get knifed in the street for being… Well… Authentic, to put it nicer than the slurs that had been flung at me regardless of being out. I hesitated for a second before typing out a message and hitting send. 

_ promise not to tell anyone abt me?  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short i should be doing homework instead of updating this four seperate times tonight but i am not. (edit i rewrote this chapter. sorry im changing the plot a little lol)


	6. do you like me back?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddies got some info

I stared at the blinking messages on my screen, my mind reeling. Okay, okay so this was what was going down. I could deal with this, my best friend had found my secret blog about being in love with him and had been the one messaging me the entire time… The thought would normally have been something that could have sent me into a full blown panic attack, but for some reason I felt strangely calm. Maybe it was because he still didn’t seem to know who I was, maybe it was because… Well… I took a moment to consider things, my fingers tapping idly on the trackpad of my laptop. 

This boy, ClosetCase420, was apparently my best friend. This boy, ClosetCase420, was apparently in love with his best friend. As the pieces of the proverbial puzzle clicked into place in my mind my hands began to shake a little. Could it be possible that my feelings were reciprocated? Could it be more than possible? Could it be an almost definite fact that Richie shared the love I had secretly been harboring for him all this time? 

As I dwelled on this the thought idly drifted through my mind that I should probably answer him, not leave him hanging with the thought that I might share his secret with our homophobic little hometown. I sucked in a breath, considering what to say for a moment before I typed my response. 

_ I won’t tell anyone _

I hit send and lightly rolled my bottom lip in between my teeth. Okay Eddie, time to be brave. 

_ I think we should talk in person _

I stared at the message for what felt like far too long. I could do this, what was I so afraid of? This was Richie, there was no reason for me not to talk to him in person aside from, well, my obvious anxieties. I sucked in a breath and hit send, waiting for another minute that seemed to stretch a million years before the dots appeared on screen indicating he was typing back. I blinked in surprise as his response flashed on my screen, something I hadn’t honestly expected despite asking first.

_ meet me at the kissing bridge? _

Why had I expected him to say no? Richie had always been so much braver than I was, so ready to jump into anything. I mean sure, I knew a lot of what he put on was a mask, and if I’d been able to think back on our messages I’d be able to quickly figure out that he’s more insecure than he let on, but he was still always so brave, and that mask, even if it was a mask, was always something I’d been sort of envious of. (not that I’d ever admit to it.) 

“Okay… Okay yeah..” I mumbled, nodding to myself as I typed out a response. I could do this, it was just Richie, he didn’t even know he’d been talking to me so if anything he had more at stake by showing up. I tried to ignore the way my chest tightened as I hit send, staring at my message on the screen. 

_ Just tell me when.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is my self indulgent one i write when im anxious so the chapters are all gonna be this short haha --- next one though will finally get more interesting bc i wont have to write IM dialogue anymore thank gods lolol


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